1. "Did I mention this is my first time?"

As any stressed-out host can attest, planning a social event of any scale is hard work, be it a small cocktail party or a formal wedding. With the time constraints of daily life those related to work, family, and other commitments on the increase, more and more people are turning to the pros for relief. By some industry estimates, there are now more than 100,000 caterers doing business in the U.S.

And since anyone can call himself a caterer, that means a huge disparity in the level of service, skill, cleanliness, and general professionalism you might find out there. The best way to choose a caterer you can trust? Word of mouth. Talk to people in your area whose opinions you trust; even better, ask anyone who has held a catered event you've enjoyed. And when speaking to a potential caterer, be sure to request at least three references.

2. "You could probably do this a whole lot cheaper."

Most full-service caterers like to handle everything from the food and the alcohol to the coat check. They say this makes things easier on the host, but it's also more profitable for them. There are some easy ways to save money, though. Starting with buying your own liquor. Some caterers charge above-retail prices on alcohol; if you buy it yourself, you'll pay roughly half their price. Even if your caterer then charges you a $2 to $5 corkage fee per bottle, the savings can still be significant, especially if your retailer accepts returns of unopened bottles, which many do. A word of caution: Liquor laws differ by jurisdiction; in some areas it's illegal to provide your own alcohol at a catered event, so check first.

You can also save big by renting your own supplies if your caterer will allow it, such as tables, chairs, or dishware. You'll save on the markup, which can be as much as 30 percent, and you can still ask your caterer to handle the setup.

Finally, be flexible about the date. If you hold your event on a Friday, Sunday, or even midweek, you can save up to 15 percent, says Michael Roman, president of Catersource Magazine, Conference and Tradeshow in Minneapolis, Minn.

3. "You may not want to know what's in my secret recipe."

Ingredients can become an issue when it comes to caterers and their dishes, many of which include surprising and not always healthy additions. If you have any special requests such as vegetarian offerings, be sure to let your caterer know, and ask to review lists of ingredients. And don t forget potential food allergies. While most caterers are alert to reactions to ingredients ranging from milk to wheat, there are still slip ups. You don t want a guest who is allergic to peanuts touching a plate that had held chicken satay. If any of your guests has such a condition, it's vital to tell your caterer in advance, even if the guest knows what to avoid. Some troublesome ingredients -- like peanut oil -- may be hidden in preparations.

4. "That staggering drunk wants another round? No problem!"

Alcohol gets almost any good party flowing, but serving it in your home presents potentially dangerous situations. Liquor concerns "are a very hot issue in catering today," says Catersource's Michael Roman, who adds that hosts often expect bartenders to cross the line by serving minors or by continuing to serve guests who've already had too much to drink. If something goes wrong, you're the one who could be held liable. "This is something that's up to everyone to enforce," Roman says. "The host should back up the bartender."

Such situations require diplomacy and finesse, so ask for experienced bartenders and ask the caterer to keep a watchful eye. An added safeguard: While you may pay much more for it, if you do purchase the alcohol through your caterer, you are generally covered by the caterer's liability insurance.

5. "This spread will easily serve 50 . . . dieting models."

A host's worst nightmare is running out of food.

Experienced caterers know that some groups eat more than others, but they should never run short. If you expect your guests to be served a full lunch, be sure to tell your caterer. If a finger-food buffet will serve as a light meal at your reception, make that clear, too. On the flip side, if your budget is limited, don't skimp on portion size.

6. "You want to know if things will go smoothly? Hire a psychic."

Timing is critical in the success of any social affair: A cocktail hour that's going well should be extended, but not by too much, or your guests may overdo it and be unable to fully enjoy dinner. One of the most important roles of a caterer is to help ensure that things go smoothly by finessing the pace of an event. A good caterer should keep things moving along on schedule, but should also be flexible. Late-arriving guests to a sit-down dinner can be accommodated by a longer appetizer course, for example.

But even the best-laid plans can be disrupted by the unexpected snafu. Experienced caterers schedule walkthroughs when they're planning to cook at an unfamiliar facility and carry such unusual kitchen equipment as socket testers and oven thermometers. If your caterer doesn't ask to see your facility first, request that he pay a visit, or consider going with another caterer.

7. "Your leftovers will feed my family for a week."

You paid for all that food, but you may not be entitled to the leftovers. You'd assume that, just as in a restaurant, it's your right to have all the leftovers returned to you, wrapped for takeout. But more and more catering companies today are enforcing strict leftover policies, primarily to avoid lawsuits that could arise from, say, seafood that has been left sitting for too long before getting packaged as a leftover.

But even in cases where the catering company does allow customers to keep leftovers, you might not want them. Newlyweds, for instance, may be leaving on their honeymoon the day after their reception and don't particularly want to come home to two-week-old food.

If none of your relatives or guests are interested in taking home slightly wilted hors d'oeuvres, consider gifting them to your caterer.

8. "I hope you like piercings. My waiters have more holes in their head than Swiss cheese."

Food service attracts a wide range of workers, from career professionals to moonlighting artists. And while it may be cool for artists to sport pierced eyebrows on their own time, you have a right not to have to look at them at your event. If you don't want to see piercings, for example, or green hair or tattoos on your servers, tell your caterer up front. In turn, it's the caterer's right to accept or not accept a job based on those requests.

You're free to dictate a dress code for the servers, too, within reason, though any special outfits if you're throwing a costume party, for example, or a corporate event and want the servers to wear T-shirts with logos are your responsibility. Otherwise, simple all-black, all-white, or black-and-white attire is considered standard.

9. "You say 'budget'; I say 'guesstimate.'"

Many a host has spent hours on end fine-tuning the menu, shaving costs here and there to fit a strict budget, only to be surprised by the bill with gratuities, taxes and other add-ons at the end. Be proactive and ask your caterer about their tipping policy and who will be covered. Often the gratuity may include wait staff, security guards, captains, and any other service people employed by your caterer. You're not required to tip more on top of it, but you may want to: It's not uncommon, for example, to give a little extra to captains or the wait staff. (Valet parkers are tipped at the guest's discretion.) To avoid any surprises, tell your caterer you want to see an inclusive budget.

10. Of course your event will be unique. But we're pricing chicken Kiev to move this week."

All hosts want their party to be memorable, and for the right reasons--not because theirs was the last in a long line of mini-quiche and vegetable-plate receptions this season.

Caterers should keep up with trends but also have original ideas that can work within your budget. One result of the recent explosion of home-entertaining TV shows, books, and magazines has been an increase in creative ideas and widespread availability of gourmet ingredients, often at reasonable prices. So there's no excuse anymore for banquet-style chicken cordon bleu. To ensure that your event is unique, micromanage. Tell your caterer you don t want the same thing they are serving at your friend s function. Check and recheck menus, ask questions, even peek into chafing dishes before guests arrive to make sure the salmon you requested is there and cooked the way you want it. You have to be able to trust your caterer, but you don t want a refund or an apology. You want your dinner to go well.